poems because all else has failed

and here it is
the last goodbye
as i wave away my heart
my hope walks away
but the memories stay
bitter sweet with longing
and cutting like knives
i'll cry no more tears
and wish you well
as emptiness crush's my soul
i'll always wish
i was more than this
as i say the last goodbye

a full on pants rant of epic proportions

so tonight some of us were worried about a friend of ours who hadn't been heard of for a while and we were wondering where he was. so we ask about and then it transpires that we have all been warned off "Bothering "him by someone that none of us know. this has ruffled a few feathers let me tell you.
certain things you need to know dear idiot.
number one who the hell gives you the right to dictate who we can or can't ask about?
i for one hold all my twitter friends in the highest of regard and would worry about any of them if i hadn't heard from them.when i wasn't on there for a while it was a lovely feeling to know that people had actually missed and worried about me.
he is our friend as well as yours and you certainly do not have a monopoly on his time none of us do. all we want to know is that he is safe and well. not because we are a bunch of fucking ambulance chasers waiting for the next car crash of events but because we care .
so don't you dare tell us who we can and can not ask about. don't you dare tell us people that i doubt you even follow to keep our noses out of his business and don't you dare ever try and tell us who we can or can't worry about or be concerned about.
who the fucking hell gave you the right to be that damn rude to people you don't even know. how dare you you bloody ignorant excuse of a human being.
no one upsets my friends and yes i class each and everyone of the people on there that i have the privilege to know and talk to as a friend. and you madam have now pissed off a whole lot of people x
and no damn one tells me or anyone who we can't be concerned about or care about.
so try and engage your brain next time before you tweet.
you know who you are. we know who you are and i for one really don't like your holier than fucking thou attitude.
so next time love sit on your damn hands .

the pants have spoken.

new poem

these are the hours
these lonely times
that haunt my soul
and your not there

these are the hours
that tears will fall
and hearts will ache
and your not there

yours was the chest
where i lay my head
the heartbeat that sang me to sleep
your lips were the lips
that i kissed goodnight

your smile was the smile
that sang to my soul
your arms were mine to hold

all of these things
now no longer mine
as the hours crawl by
and i wipe my tears
and ache
and your not here

pants poems that are actually quite good

haven't done one in a while so i thought i would share a little poem with you. enjoy.


i am locked away
failure eats at my soul
killing me inside
my life takes flight
eyes blank and weary
stained with disappointment
watch it flee
a black hole inside
opens like a lovers embrace
holding my soul
as failure fangs bared
feeds with bloody mouthfuls

for these are the pants

i sometimes wish that i was someone else but i'm not. i am me not always happy but always thinking. i dream but don't exist . i have dreams that don't come true . sometimes the world scares me because i don't understand what it wants me to do. but i try. i feel too much or not at all. there are times when i look in a mirror and i wonder who is staring back. there are times when i don't know myself, those times when you look into a mirror and all you see is a broken person drowning in their own pain. these are the times that haunt my soul. the times when the black dog took hold and tried to drown me. the times when i almost self destructed but managed to hold on. i'm still here.
for these are the pants that prevail. these are the pants that fight to retain their sanity when all around them expect them to fail. and i fight every day to know who i am and what i have become. i'm still growing and still learning and still fighting.
for these are the pants that are made for better times and greater things. don't judge these pants . they are not to be pitied or judged by anyone but the wearer of this soul. they have seen great things. they have loved with intense passion and have lost everything in the process. they have fought and survived and will continue to do so.
for these are the pants that maketh the woman who wears them. and she wears them with pride.
until next time.

a comp rant pissed off pants

how much do i hate computers right now? oh too much to mention but i will . they are not based on logic at all not pants logic anyway . they don't do what they should when you want them to. they have been created by one sad little man in a cell some where who hates people. everytime you think you have sussed them then this little man rubs his hands together and throws up something that you don't know can't understand and then your back to square one again.there are only so many times you can reset something only to have the same bloody problem. before you know it your head is hitting the desk over and over to get rid of the feeling of failure that sweeps your body. you mutter under your breath try hitting the keys that you should and you wait and hope and da da daaaaaaa nothing big fat nothing.
if i ever met the idiot who invented such stupid damn things that are supposed to be invented to enrich our lives i would drown him in paper and pens . now paper and pens i understand they have a use they are logical.. control alt delete isn't fucking logical an escape key isn't fucking logical. if an escape hey was logical it would then ask you where you wanted to damn well go. and i would answer anywhere that doesn't have a fucking computer that doesn't work when you want it to.
so darling computers next time i try and do something on here please please please actually work the way you should. do not throw up barriers that i don't understand or ask me questions that i don't have the answers to. because if next time that happens i will be looking in the yellow pages for a window repair person and you my dear computer will be lying in pieces on the driveway.
pants out.

weekend ( pants in love )

so friday night after a full three days deminging the house a row with the mad cat woman about the attitude with dinner done and still no mister a i was just about ready to carve off his bollocks and make myself new earings. and then there he was. stepping out of the car his two eldest daughters in tow and somehow nothing mattered. he was here a vision of lovelyness and i looked like a train wreck in tracksuit bottoms with strangly coloured hair. i hadn't seen the girls in over a year and they hadn't changed just got bigger . it had crossed my mind that because he had them to think about that we wouldn't be as close but it didn't matter.Funny how a hug a gentle hug because numpty mister a had bruised his ribs falling down a wet hill makes everything seem alright. or maybe i'm easily pleased. sleeping arrangements were discussed and sorted only because i'm clever and had thought of every angle. leave it to a bloke and you'd end up sleeping in the bath .
dinner was eaten around the kitchen table something never done in this house. mister a and i sat next to each other arms touching the whole time while everyone talked and joked and laughed. domestic bliss reigned in pants palace that night . that and alot of yo yoing. seems that everyone had a yo yo apart from yours truely . fluffy had to stand on a seat to get his to work because he is small. the others well it's a wonder i have any plates ect left. two over active teenage girls a fluffy nine yr old and mister a all with yo yo's in my kitchen the damn things flying everywhere. it was one of those times when beruit would have been quieter to be only because two of the damn things had lights and sounded like aircraft coming into land. finally at midnight kids were upstairs and we or rather he had the task of blowing up blow up bed with loud pump. thank god the kitchen still has it's door .
anyway at the risk of sounding boring we spent the rest of the night together talking laughing just us in our own little bubble.we tried watching a film but the same thing happened as it always does we saw the begining credits and the end credits the film got completely missed.
and that was the way it was the whole of the time he was here. the daytime we did things with the kids shopping went to see a film one night and bowling the next. when the kids were asleep it was just us. we would walk around town hand in hand, cuddle as we made tea washed up shouted at the kids, he fed me popcorn in the cinema and held me all night .
thanks to mister a my washing machine doesn't smell quite so bad because he took it apart and cleaned the pipes and the filter. my radiators have been sorted so they don't talk when you turn the heating on and my carpet in the front room has been put back together again.
thanks to mister a my smile is a little wider my heart is a little fuller than it as before and for the past three days and nights i have belonged somewhere to someone. someone who i can laugh with take the piss out of and believe me i did. someone who holds me as i make coffee who cooks with me and washes up. someone who knows me and who tells me that i am like his best friend but with benefits because his best mate is a bloke. and someone who although he doesnt say it because right now he can't misses me and cares about me maybe not in the way i do but i know that he does and that right now is good enough for me.
so to who ever is reading this and thinking what a load of old bollocks . no it's not bollocks it's my life and i will live it every treasured moment.
until next time the pants have left the building.