Atos bloody Atos ( the tribunal )

In my last blog i told you about my experience with the work capability assessment process. Well after that and due to the fact i was appealing things went very quiet for a while. Slowly money began trickling back. I was able to but food pay a few bills and continue existing for a while. I was lulled into a false sense of security, maybe they had forgotten about me ?
For a while it looked as if they had. Then it came crashing through the postbox like an avenging angel. My tribunal letter detailing time and date and where they wanted to see me. I was being sent to a hotel in Watford. I had no idea how to get there, i wasn't even sure where Watford was from where i lived. Heart racing i phoned them asking if there was anywhere else they could send me. The answer to that was a resounding not a chance, it's easy to get to by car they told me. I don't drive, i told them shakily and then asked if they could send me directions to this place.They told me they could.
The directions never arrived. Next i tried to get some form of legal advice. I spoke to a lovely lady on the phone who said they couldnt help me unless i had some form of proof i was on benefit. Couldn't do that either because i wasn't strictly on anything at that time i was appealing to get something. So that was that. Once again i was on my own about to embark on a magical mystery tour from hell. I stopped being able to sleep for any long amount of time, an hour here an hour there was all i could manage. My anxiety ridden short fuse was non existent by now, the slightest thing that went wrong in the house sent me into a ranting free fall. I stopped caring about anything.I refused the flu jab hoping i would get something nasty and die from it, same with the smear test. who cares i thought i'm sunk anyway.
The day came. Armed with a couple of bus maps i manged to find which i covered with marker pen i left at eleven o'clock for an appointment at three. Waiting for the first bus i began to shake. Everywhere there were people, everywhere there was noise. Nothing felt safe. I begun to absentmindedly scratch my hands. The bus came and i slid onto it finding myself a window seat. I wasn't sure where to get off to get the connecting bus. I kept checking the time scared i was going to late. I didnt know where i was going, my eyes were glued to my timetable. An hour later i made it off the first bus and onto the second. I was cold, i couldn't feel my feet. I spent the journey with my nose pressed to the window. I wanted to disappear. Another hour passed and i managed to get to the last stop of my journey. The bus had stopped on a little housing estate. According to my notes it was only a short walk to the hotel. I had plenty of time to get there so i followed the directions i had and began walking.
The only thing i now remember about the hotel was that it was next to a Toby Carvery on the other side of a four lane motorway and there wasn't a crossing in sight. How the hell was i supposed to get across to this place? i paced up and down the road as the traffic whizzed past. I had to cross there was nothing else i could do. I can't remember breathing till i knew i was across. I felt sick with fear but i had made it. I found the place and was signed in and taken to a waiting room. There i sat and waited rubbing my hands and watching the floor.
I wasn't the only one who had a tribunal that day. soon i was joined by another three people who were armed with what looked like a library of solicitors notes. While i was shaking and scratching the skin off my hands they were discussing their next holiday to turkey and wondering how anyone without a car could have made it here.
I waited an hour to be seen by that point i was tired cold hungry as i hadn't eaten all day, and tearful but i wasn't about to let my emotions get the better of me, not yet. someone came and got me and showed me to another room, i was barely coherent by this point. I just wanted to go home. The two people that i saw soon realized this. as soon as i had been told to take a seat the emotional flood gates opened and i didnt give them a chance to ask anything or speak for a while.
I told them straight that i hoped they realized that if they upheld the assessment they would be making me homeless and my son would go into care. I didnt expect them to believe me i didnt expect them to understand but this was breaking me and i told them so. The doctor managed to ask me some questions about how my life was. What my routine was like, how i managed and watched as i tried to string a sentence together while scratching layers of skin off my hands which were now red raw and weeping.
I won my tribunal. They told me there and then, but i didnt dare believe them. I still had to make it home. i wasn't safe till i did. It took me three hours to get home, by that time i was tired my hands were agony and all i wanted to do was sleep.
But i had won and for now i was safe.

Then a month later i got another letter.
Dear Miss freeman you are now due to come for a work capability assessment.......
and so it began again.