not being well but looking normal

yesterday was not a good day . yesterday all i seemed to do was shake shout and want to cry . but trying to appear normal i still cooked washed clothes and cleaned a bathroom as you normal people do .
on the outside i was just having one of those days. on the inside i was pulling chunks of my hair out screaming and running around in circles like a hamster on a wheel getting nowhere wanting to run away. funny how you can do all of that in your mind while sitting totally still isnt it.
today isnt much better. without realizing i have managed to pluck half an eyebrow bald, tried to make tea in the bowl i put the dead teabags into and made porridge that looked like well it wasn't porridge put it this way. i just about managed to keep the urge to cut chunks out of my hair to a bare minimum but i pulled a few bits out so now my air looks like frizzy crap instead of just plain crap.
remembering the phone bill was due to be paid i checked the bill, misread two yes two calenders and then paniced as i thought i hadnt paid it in over a month. it's due tomorrow and im still shaking over that one. i have also scratched a scab over my eye my rubbing my skin off.
i feel like my head is about to explode. it wont but it feels like it will. i dont feel safe. i dont feel in control any more i cant remember even how to pay things when they are due simple stuff like that. i keep thinking that people are going to come and take everything away. so in my mind i am planning ahead where i can hide things so they dont take them away.
there is an upside to this mind you. nothing has grown a head yet nothing has started moving. last time furniture grew heads and the floor started moving and changing colour on its own. so it's not that bad yet.
the clock is ticking. i just wonder how long it will be before i snap completely and if anyone will notice when i do.