ode to the english language

.So you don't blog for months and then that bus thing happens, two come along at once. Well don't blame me blame social media and a spare hour between televisual programming .I was just doing the social media version of curtain twitching, which is reading things that people you may have seen once twenty years ago have commented on. Oh my what an eye opener. The poor guy was so busy ranting all thoughts of actually stringing a sentence together vanished into the mists of this rant. The subject was bullying ,the school well known for this and a few other problems. I remember going to look round it years ago.two things struck me number one the kids didn't greet each other vocally they happy slapped each other instead and the parents were twelve year old drug users with more tattoos than brain cells.'strangely none of my children ever went near there. Who would want to go and be educated in a place that was run that a borstal with all the charm of an ikea showroom .
Any who the moral of this story is that you are either part of the it crowd or the innit crowd. Personally education and culture pretty much rule overall else with me, but if you can't string a sentence together while ranting in public do it verbally not on paper,email or the dreaded Facebook.
Also trying to type one fingered on a kindle while trying to appear like you have an education doesn't work. Neither does typing on a touch type phone in the middle of a mud covered football field while shivering and needing a wee.in either of these circumstances  punctuation is not your friend.

the year of the pant

So this is a first. I'm blogging from a kindle could end up a massive cluster fuck what with good old predictive text but we shall see.
So year of the pant . well after the end of last year when according to some I nearly died due to plumbing issues and leaking particles. Then the wonderful build a bear stuffing that lasted for over a month and now the scars of varying sizes this year has to be better don't you think .
So far most of the planning has been in my head. Most of the things that happen here the brain work if you will happen in my head . no one listens so I never plan out loud but I do plan. I want to decorate this year. The cats have done a real number on my walls. Its not so much pants palace more pants drug den thanks to the pasty and the hairy bear pulling the wall paper off the walls. So far I have repainted the downstairs loo. Oh in case you were wondering it did help. I shouted instructions and stood over it as it did what he was ordered.
Apart from that there are other things going round in my head. But as I am never on my own long enough to do anything I'm not sure how I will be able to get any other plans done. We will see but one way or the other year of the pant has begun slowly but it has begun.

the naming of the poo

as you will be aware at pants palace four cats reside. this means four different types of cat poo, four types of gut wrenching vomit producing smell. so in an effort to A, work out the culpret of said smell and B, to make the task of the grand scrap more amusing i named the individual poos.

!, the poots maneuver - made by the oldest and most diva like of the cats Putin.

2, the widgey squit - this is produced with the added vomit smell by the second cat widget.

3, the mondo teaser - looks like a malteaser  and given to us daily by the big furry gizmo.

4, the jinxster pasty - named this way because it rhymes with ginster but smells nothing like a pasty.


so yes we are a house of cat lovers and nicknamers and so even the poo's have their own identities .

enjoy your meals.

pants out.

things that fall apart when your ill

i have been ill for a week now. in and out of bed not being able to be comfortable anywhere for long periods of time, shivering or sweating aching popping painkillers like the world is about to end. i havent felt this ill in years.
so while i have been ill who do you think has looked after the house?
well for the first two days while i was in bed resident male spent the whole of the time watching 158 episodes of dragonball z in his dressing gown.
did he do any washing ?
Did he hoover at all?
did he tidy anything?
did he steam the kitchen floor?

did he fuck!!!!!

the carpets have more cat fur and bits of broken cat claw on them than it should be possible to have stuck to a carpet. the kitchen floor is a nasty minging mess. in fact by wednesday the fluffy one asked the teen to come over to cook his tea for him.

ok so admittedly he has washed some clothes now and hung most of them out. it is glaringly obvious that i am ill. we even ran out of cat food and loo roll at one point.
he did try to look up on the computer what i most likely had and managed to narrow it down to the following.

bone cancer
mrsa
norvo virus
meningitis
fibromyalgia
or maybe the flu

what little faith i have in him being able to do anything with out having the instructions spoon fed him first several times has now left.this is a human being for which the word initiative didnt just simpley pass him by. it ran screaming in the opposite direction .
i have a lot of things to do when im better i hope to god that is before we turn into an episode of horders,

pants out

so the world's going mental on thursady is it

apparently it's world mental health day on thursday.
should i as a person who suffers mental illness be pleased about this? maybe i should as this is the day that makes public the fact that people are suffering. it's a poor mans live aid for the dribbley.
yes i just went there, yes i did just say that and no i'm not about the apologize for it either.
to be honest what does having a day like that accomplish?
will it send the shiver of horror down the necks of those wonderful governmental departments that would like to put us all in the same box as the work shy ? nope shouldn't think so.
will it make anyone think about mental health and the effect it has on how people struggle to lead a normal and for filled life ?  i doubt because the only people who know about this day will be the ones and their families that suffer with this. it's not about to change the perspective of anyone else who thinks having a mental illness is just a bunch of slightly bad days clubbed together a bit like having the flu.
so what is the point of mental health awareness day?
and when exactly will it be national lets all fart in a crowded lift day?
or national pick your nose on a bus day.
they say a dog is for life not just for christmas well so is being stuck with as mental illness.
it's not just for one day and having a day publishing this isn't going to bloody help.
i will now sit back and wait for the arse kicking.
just remember it's an opinion on a blog.
my opinion my blog.
pants out.

me again and other lame introductions

i think this must be the longest i have been away from the virtual world. Strangely leaving was easy, well anything is if your getting a little disenchanted  with just about everything.
so you decide to have this great social experiment called life.
This involved alot of knit one, pearl one ,drop one, and no i don't mean farting. i moved the front-room round when i say moved round, what i mean is i stood in the middle of the room pointed, barked orders and eventually gave my approval.
I also had one of those days about a month ago. You know the sort of days when you go into the pet shop to buy cat litter and come out with cat litter and a kitten. She is called Jinx. so that would be cat number four then.
I will try to be more interesting in the future.
or more grumpy what ever comes first,

Is it wrong that i am nervous about going back on line to the world of the tweet????

give me a moment i may have left my spare pair of testicles down the side of the sofa with the spare cat fluff and a ten pence piece.

yes sir i crush candy

i think i may have given up on life.
there was a time in the dim and distant past when i had dreams , biggish dreams and plans and things i wanted to do. i was going to write something wonderful and have it published. i was going to blog all the time and spread the word of pants.
the only thing i spread now is my ever widening bum on a corner of the sofa.
it's drepressing when you have depression isn't it.
when going out to the local corner shop to top up the meter becomes a battle of wills, between the need for light and the need to stay where you know is safe.
so right now while people are suggesting places where i should be going and enjoying myself, you know the well meaning " oh you should go out for a meal,"
god no i don't want strangers watching me eat.
or the even better, " why don't we go shopping to one of the biggest shopping centers in creation and you can help me choose a dress "
firstly sounds expensive secondly sounds crowded thirdly i know i will probably not sleep for the two nights before hand worrying as it is some where new.
i am begining to wonder if i am slightly agrophobic.
but in the mean time there is candy crush and games of that nature. so i sit and crush candy sometimes very unsuccessfully but it helps block out the real world for a while. it means i dont have to listen to endless talking about things i have no interest in. its a great way to put off well anything really.
so if you ask me what i do at the moment my answer will be

yes sir i crush candy