yesterday i turned forty . i also waved my son off to yet more karate practice and swimming. i fed cats i did two loads of washing and caught up on all the things i had recorded on the sky box. i tidied the house well when i say tidied that just means i moved piles of mess from one room to another where i wouldn't have to look at it.
You see i don't do birthdays. I havent done birthdays for years now. It has also taken that amount of time for me to train the people near me not to ask the " what do you want for your birthday ?" question. I hate that question. it annoys me to my very core. If i want anything i will either save up and get it myself or i will go without, it's that simple. Birthdays have always been a disaster.
When i was younger and was still looking forward to them, my parentals would hide the gifts in the bottom of an old 1920's wardrobe they had. Until one year that is when the key broke in the lock and no one could get the presents out. It took hours, when your a child no presents on that so called special day pretty much equals the end of your world. It only happened to me, never my siblings.
Then there were the children's parties where you have to invite your class mates to celebrate with you. I was not a popular child at school. I was the fat awkward one who was painfully shy. the teachers thought i was a joy, the children didn't. But when you invite them they will come and pretend that they like you. Funny what cake can do isn't it. I remember one year i had been given roller skates, i loved these things and hadn't even had a chance to try them on. i was saving them for a quiet moment. I didnt want them spoilt, so they had stayed in the box. Then the class mates descended, routed through the things i had been given. The thing with children , well these ones anyway was that even though most of these things were still in boxes and i hadn't had time to play with them that didn't matter. boxes were opened things were taken and played with , my roller skates were worn and then broken before i had had a chance to enjoy them. That was the last party i ever had.
So when anyone asks me what i intend to do for my birthday, i don't give them an answer. I'm not about to go out and drink myself into a coma. I'm not about to party the night away. After all it's just another day.
I can't remember even having any birthday parties to be disappointed about. On my big day it was always the same routine. My dad would keep asking 'how old are you'? until I gave in and said. As for my mother, the least said about her the better. Then presents were handed over (clothes mainly, because I 'needed them'). And that was it, another birthday gone.
ReplyDeleteSure, I can force a smile if someone finds out my birthday and wishes me happy birthday. But inside I'm shrugging my shoulders. Who cares? Certainly not me. So, I won't wish you happy birthday, not that I suppose you would care anyway.